A few months ago, I was sitting down with a buddy for coffee. Let's call him Scott. I ordered a fresh french press for us both, and we spent time talking about the Lord and our hearts for ministry.
During our time together, I shared how over the past few years God has been really burning through my motives for ministry, and all that's left is a singular passion to do whatever God wants me to do.
Scott tends to be a bit bodacious, and looked at me and brashly said, "well yea, that's what all of us want. Every Christian in the world would say that exact same thing."
But he didn't get it.
For me, this has been a real revelation. It's been easy for me to say, but harder for me to do. I'm still learning to express what God has been doing in my heart. What I wanted to tell him was that I no longer have the same level of craving to do big ministry or to be influential or well-known. Through the pain and the process and the patience over seasons of faithful ministry, I've been brought to a place of dependency where all that is left that truly fulfills me is pleasing God. It no longer feels satisfying to do ministry for the sake of ministry. I'm realizing more and more that the only thing worth living for is the will of God.
Whatever God wants for my life, whether it be rich or poor, humble or known, stage or serving, this or that. All I want is what God wants.
One of my favorite quotes is from the late Brennan's mentor, Dominique. Dominique was the leader of the "Little Brother's of Jesus" of the Franciscan order in Spain. In his final journal entry, he wrote:
"All that is not the love of God has no meaning for me. I can truthfully say that I have no interest in anything but the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. If God wants it to, my life will be useful through my word and witness. If He wants it to, my life will bear fruit through my prayers and sacrifices. But the usefulness of my life is His concern, not mine. It would be indecent of me to worry about that."
This is our goal as a ministry:
- Not necessarily to do big things, although we want to take the risks that He calls us to for His glory.
- Not to be influential, or successful, or well known, or significant, but to be everything He calls us to be, and to do everything He calls us to do with the joy and the strength that He gives.
- Sometimes this means obscurity and faithfulness, and sometimes this means scary risks and staggering success, but either way we've found our only satisfaction in feeding off the will of God. Obedience to God's Word and God's will is our singular aim.